THE DEVIL'S MUSIC

It finally happened. I found myself alone in the car singing along to a Kidz Bop CD. Granted the song was “Footloose,” but that’s no excuse. If you’re not familiar with Kidz Bop, they’re pop music covers aimed at kids where some cheesy adult sings the songs you know and love with a kid backup band. But the worst part is that they change certain “objectionable” words in the songs. For example on our “Kidz Bop 80’s Gold” CD they changed the words to “Karma Chameleon” from “I’m a man without conviction” to “I’m a guy without conviction.” WTF? I would love to know what focus group thought that “man” was too edgy for kids and that “guy” was an acceptable replacement?

Kidz Bop isn’t the only offender, there’s dozens of other companies out there doing the same damn thing. There’s a series of CDs under the title “Rockabye Baby!” where they do lullaby renditions of Led Zeppelin and the Beatles. It may sound cute and all, but I’ll warn you right now, these albums do not make your kids like your favorite band. They make them like these crappy versions of your formally favorite band. I say formally because after listening to these CDs a thousand times you won’t like your favorite bands anymore either. I can no longer listen to Pink Floyd the same way I used to. Well, there’s many reasons for that. Anyway, if you’re contemplating buying one of these discs for your kids, don’t do it. And if you get one as a gift from a friend, they’re not really your friend. But pray for a gift receipt. And if there is none: regift. But make sure you don’t plan on hanging out with that kid’s parents any time soon.


Since the dawn of rock ‘n roll people have been blaming the music for the heinous crimes they have committed. And I’ve always found it to be complete and utter bullshit…until Sandra Boynton, of “Moo Baa La La La” fame put out a CD called “Philadelphia Chickens” where celebrities sing her children’s board books. First of all I hate her because the songs are actually pretty catchy and I hate myself for liking the Bacon Brothers version of “Snoozers.” I actually find myself looking forward to that one. I’ll cut myself a little slack because at least these songs were written for kids unlike the Kidz Bop where they…well you know what I think of Kidz Bop. Anyway, there’s one song on the disc called “I Like to Fuss” about a little girl who’s difficult and likes to throw tantrums and ever since Arden started listening to that song she’s turned into a little monster. So much so the other day the principal of her preschool called me at home and said, “Arden’s been difficult as of late. She’s won’t listen to the teachers and she’s throwing tantrums left and right.” Why she couldn’t tell me this when I picked Arden up at school, I'll never know. But that night when I confronted Arden I said, “Why are you acting so badly?” She looked at me with a straight face and said, “I like to fuss.”