AIMING TOO HIGH

I’ve been a stay-at-home dad, at least part-time, for almost four years. But not until my wife went back to work in March, after my second daughter Alex was born, did I become a full-time stay-at-home dad. Ironically during the years between the births of my children I couldn’t find work to save my life, and we had a part-time nanny that whole time. But literally the day after my wife gave birth to Alex, I got hired to write a movie and of course we had just gotten rid of the nanny. But we decided not to get a new nanny because Jen would be off on maternity leave for the next four months and I would be done with the script by the time she went back to work so why pay someone to watch the kids when I was going to be available? And it didn’t exactly hurt our decision that the economy had just taken a dump and almost fifty percent of our savings had gone down the toilet with it. Of course I didn’t finish the script before Jen went back to work so for the first two weeks of being a full-time stay-at-home dad I had to watch the kids all day and then summon the energy to go down to my lair and write all night. During those two weeks I averaged about three hours of sleep a night. It was hellacious, but I got through the script and I'm actually pleased with the results and apparently so are the producers. But if another script offer comes my way any time soon, we’re definitely getting some extra help around the house, at least part-time...so I can write this blog. :)


I’ll be honest; while Jen was on maternity leave and I was about to take the full-time parenting reins, the idea of watching two kids instead of one scared the crap out of me (there’s a related story involving the E.R. that I’ll save for another time.) It wasn’t so much the idea of trying to balance both girls at home; it was the idea of leaving the house with the two of them. Arden’s the type of kid who gets to the park and takes off (part of the reason I loathe the park.) And I was worried about what I would do if she did take off? Let her go or ditch the baby and chase after her? I had nightmares about what I'd do if I was out at the mall with the girls and I had to go to the bathroom. Would I bring both girls and a stroller into a stall with me? I still haven’t taken Arden to the park or the bathroom since Alex was born.

My fear of leaving the house with the girls expanded into everywhere we could possibly go like the supermarket or a restaurant. I played up my apprehension to my wife because I thought if she felt I was overwhelmed she would suggest I get some help. Not Jen. But when the time was upon me and I knew I wasn’t getting any help I decided to commit to the experience and do the best damn job I could. I was determined to show Jen that I could handle two kids, even better then her. Yes, I was delusional. So on my first day as a full-timer, I got Arden off to school, fed the baby, did two loads of laundry, washed the dishes, tidied up the house, prepped dinner (Yes, I actually cut up vegetables in advance), and when Jen got home, I made her a nice hot meal. Oh, and I also made the beds. This was probably the most impressive part since we never make the beds. Anyway, when Jen asked how my day went, expecting me to complain (since complaining, in general, is a hobby of mine,) I told her it went great. And for the most part it had.

So on Wednesday, when it was just the baby and me again, I did all the same stuff, but I also attempted to clean the bathrooms too. The operative word is “attempted.” I did a so-so job because the baby wasn’t cooperating, but since I always do a so-so job, Jen was impressed. On the two days that week Arden was in the mix, I faced my fears and took both girls out of the house and we survived. As for the house, with two kids I could pretty much only handle the beds and getting the house in order before Jen got home, but still, I thought that was pretty impressive. By the end of the week I felt like a domestic god. And I think in kind of weird way Jen was actually turned on by my newfound gender-reversed stay-at-home prowess. But then came Sunday night. Jen and I were soaking in the hot tub after the kids were asleep and she turned to me and said, “So what are you gonna do around the house this week?” It was then that I realized I had aimed too high, that I would now be expected to do the same level of housework, if not more, every week. It was at this moment that I came to the realization that I was not just a stay-at-home dad, I was also a househusband.