THE "WEEKEND"

So I’m officially back from my trip and boy do I need a vacation. That’s not to say I didn’t have any fun while we were away. I got to see some high school and college friends that I hadn’t seen in eons and I also got to check out the new Star Trek flick with the wife, but still, when you travel anywhere with two kids, under the age of four, it’s not exactly a vacation. And there’s only so much time you can foist the kids onto your own parents which means at least half my time is still spent wrangling the girls. Right now a real vacation to me is a toss up between a luxury resort in Maui and one day in front of my computer sans kids.

Instead of a continued rant on the joys of traveling with children, this lack of vacation has made me realize that when you’re a stay-at-home parent, of any gender, there’s also no weekend…

Sure, your spouse is home, but it’s not like that’s an invitation to just kick up your feet and catch up on the 7 episodes of 24 on your DVR that have been haunting you for months. At least it’s not in my house. The weekend just means that you’re watching the kids together. Maybe she’ll watch one while I watch the other, but that’s no vacation. That’s my Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays when Arden’s in school and I’ve just got Alex. Obviously there are times where we’ll swap off watching both kids. And Jen doesn’t have a problem with me taking off for a few hours on the weekend to do my own thing. But I never do. There’s just too much stuff I need to do around the house that I can’t get to when I’m watching the girls. Like paying bills and mowing the lawn. Okay, I haven’t mowed the lawn in like six months, but you know what I mean.

And it’s not like Jen gets much of a weekend either. She works hard during the week and then comes home to immediately watch two kids while I cook dinner. And on the weekends, if she’s not watching the girls she’s doing all the chores I missed or am incapable of doing (that’s a multipart post unto itself). And don’t get me wrong, we both love spending time with the girls, but sometimes you just need a freakin’ break. And I should note here that Jen and I have no family in Los Angeles so we’re on our own. No dropping the kids off at grandmas. No favorite aunts swinging by to watch the girls. It’s just Jen and me. Or we can pay $15 an hour for a babysitter. Which means it’s just Jen and me.


I will admit that there are a few pleasures I derive out of my not-weekend. I do get a few extra minutes on the computer (but there’s not enough time to do any real screenwriting). I also covet my time in the bathroom. Showering during the week is far from enjoyable. And it often doesn’t happen. Though I have mastered the art of taking a shower and getting dressed in the time it takes to warm up a bottle. But on the weekends, with Jen home, I shower my ass off. I’m in there sometimes so long I need to sit down. I’m actually considering installing a bench in there, but until then I take advantage of the other bench in the bathroom. The toilet. I often feel as a stay-at-home parent that it’s one of my obligations to hold in my bodily fluids until sometime after 9:00 PM when I know the kids are definitely asleep. But on the weekends, even if I just have to take a leak, I’ll grab the Sunday paper and my iPod and head into the bathroom and just tune out for a nice long while.

Gotta run, baby’s crying…Where’s the funny pages?