NOTES FROM THE VACATION FRONT

I'm still on vacation, if you can call it that. I'm in a rare moment where I can actually use the computer for more than a minute -- the baby is asleep and everyone else is out at an amusement park on the North Carolina/South Carolina state line, roasting in the 90+ degree sun. Suckers. We went last summer and it was over 100 degrees and I nearly passed out after eating some fried chicken and spinning around in a Backyardigans tilt-a-whirl, a ride geared towards 3-year-olds. Anyway, I would've chimed in sooner, but in Boston we were constantly on the go and when we weren't my sister was on the computer dealing with some kind of yoga-related emergency. But here I am after making the "magnanimous" offer to stay behind, in this air conditioned sanctuary, with the baby.


The five hour trip to Boston wasn't half as bad as I thought, though not having fully developed mammary glands it was up to my wife to soothe the baby. However, I stupidly thought Arden would be the good one on the trip. I filled up my iPod touch with all sort of Disney/Pixar goodness, but Arden decided she didn't want to watch anything, instead she wanted to make sure the baby stayed awake with her. And after only one hour she turned to me and said, "I wanna get off the plane now." Me too. But things got better after a few threats of punishment and a juice box. Yup, we said we were gonna punish her and then rewarded her. The things we do to get our kids to settle down in public.

Jen kept saying how easy the trip was and I kept warning her not to jinx things. Just because the girls were "pretty good" on the long plane trip doesn't mean they won't be horrible on the three short ones ahead. Well my prophesy proved correct. We took JetBlue down to Charlotte on Tuesday morning. Well, it started out as a morning flight. After a two hour delay we finally boarded the plane and Alex wasn't having it. She was tired, hungry, cranky and her ears were popping this time around and nothing, not even boob, would calm her down. And on top of that the baggage claim guys broke Alex's stroller. Snapped the sucker in two. They're paying for a new one and we got a $30 travel voucher out of it. Sweet! I can't wait to travel with the family again.

But we did arrive and we got to stop at Friendly's for a late late lunch. Friendly's is a big deal for us because Jen and I used to love it as kids and they don't have them in California. The same goes for the Dairy Queen, Dunkin' Donuts and Papa Gino's pizza. Anyway, after a Jim Dandy and a Reese's Pieces Sundae, we were refreshed and ready for leg two of the trip.


Yesterday was the first full day of our visit to Charlotte and we went to the "red neck" equivalent of Lion Country Safari. If you're not familiar with Lion Country Safari, it's this awesome drive-thru zoo in Florida, where the animals come up to your car. I'm not calling this place red neck because it was dirty or because I felt like I was going to be raped while a banjo played, I say "red neck" because it was a weird mix of animals -- pot bellied pigs and goats were running wild with zebras and giraffes. And there wasn't any staff once you drove into the grounds. You were on your own. And the path you took was often narrow and on these cliffs you could just tumble right over. And unlike Lion Country Safari where you had to keep your windows closed at all times, this place sold you feed buckets and encouraged you to hang out the windows.


So Jen and I were in one car with the baby while Arden was in the car in front of us with my in-laws. I looked on in complete horror as I see them lower her window as these giant animals jammed their heads inside the car and aggressively started digging into Arden's feed bucket while she's trying to feel their tongues. Jen assured me that my in-laws would never let anything happen to their granddaughter. Fine, but what about the animal that "looks like a horse, but has horns" - that was the brochure's exact description of whatever that animal was. Obviously Arden survived and thankfully the first aid kit in the car had some Zantac in it for me.

Anyway, that's all the time I have now. Hopefully more later.

Pictured: Alex and a "red neck" zebra