MADE TO ORDER

Before we had kids Jen and I had developed some expensive taste when it came to eating out. We were food snobs. We couldn’t go out for a simple dinner without spending at least $100. And even to this day I don’t think you can get a decent steak for under $30. But then we had children and everything went sideways…

Initially we thought our nights of dining out were over. As well as our entire lives, as we knew it. When you’ve got kids and no family within driving distance you don’t go out much. You can’t. And we vowed before our kids were even born that we would never be one of those couples who “let” their kids have a public meltdown in a restaurant. Of course the truth is every kid has meltdowns and no matter how hard you try to prevent them one’s ultimately going to coincide with a side order of beef carpaccio.

When we finally got past the first month of parenthood where you think the world is one giant germ, we said screw it and started taking Arden out to restaurants. We needed some fun. We needed some normalcy in our lives. We needed a vice and for us dining out became our vice. Sure Arden was fussy and she had the occasional meltdown, but we kept taking her out. To avoid the embarrassment factor we would go out for late lunches and early dinners when there were fewer diners there to give us the “holier than thou” eye. This allowed us to continue going to our favorite kid unfriendly spots.


By doing this Arden quickly learned what was acceptable restaurant behavior. And ultimately we had no real issues when we took her out. So it became our thing to meet friends who didn’t have kids at restaurants. We tried to meet our friends who had kids, but because their kids weren’t accustomed to restaurants they always declined our invitations or suggested “hanging out” instead. Yeah, I wanna hang out with extra kids in the same place I hang out with my own kids all week long. So then we became our own holier than thou set.

But then something strange happened when Arden started to outgrow her portable booster seat. I started getting irritated that our favorite fancy joints didn’t have highchairs. Apparently they didn’t want kids there.

Being in the entertainment business means you go on a lot of lunches. I mean a lot of lunches. But the first thing I would do when I went to a new spot was scope the place out for a highchair in case the place was good and I wanted to come back with Jen and Arden. But then I started to further devolve as a foodie. We started going to “family friendly” restaurants like T.G.I. Friday’s and the Olive Garden and what’s worse is that I started liking those places. I looked forward to my unlimited breadsticks at The O.G., as I started to call it. What the hell was happening to me? What the hell was happening to my palate? Kids. That’s what happened.


To this day we still go out with the girls every Saturday and Sunday for lunch and often Friday evenings too. And with it being Arden’s 4th Birthday today she will be picking the restaurant tonight. Yes, at 4 she actually has favorite restaurants of her own. Though Arden’s choices are usually based on whether a restaurant has a koi pond or not over actual food quality. And little Alex has turned into a great restaurant kid, just like her big sister...as long as we ply her with an unlimited supply of Arrowroot cookies. Occasionally we’ll still hit one of the nicer joints, but it’s just easier to go to a place where the kids can be loud and no one cares. And even though we do hit the Outback Steakhouse from time-to-time, I still believe you can’t get a good steak for under $30. But a Bloomin’ Onion appetizer definitely helps me look the other way.


Pictured: The Girls at Arden's Birthday Pick tonight, the House of Pies.