THE JOURNEY TO SELFLESSNESS

Someone made a comment about Monday’s blog entry. They asked after reading it “Should I have a child? I mean, why should I have a child?” I just want to clear up right now that I may bitch and moan about being a stay-at-home dad, but the bottom line is that I love being a dad. It’s truly the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me. Having children has given a deeper meaning to my life. And it’s strengthened the bond between my wife and I more than I could ever imagine. But that doesn’t mean it’s easy. In fact I’ve found being a parent downright hard. Harder than anyone ever told me it would be. But it’s also extremely rewarding. And the great thing about parenthood is that the rewards just keep on coming. Right now, with the baby, my reward is the unique smile she gives me when I enter the room. It’s different than the one she gives Jen and that one’s different than all the ones she gives to everyone else. With Arden, it’s the gift of watching her mind grow and hearing her say, “I love you, Daddy.” There isn’t a greater gift I can think of. Though a new Blu-ray Disc player with Netflix streaming capability would be a nice second. Hey, Father’s Day is coming.


All that being said, it doesn’t mean I want to spend twenty-four hours a day with the girls. I wouldn’t want to spend twenty-four hours a day with anyone, not even my wife. During the four months Jen was out on maternity leave we wanted to shoot each other on a daily basis. Though I’m happy to report that since she went back to work we only want to shoot each other every once in a while. :)


But to be honest, I never thought I’d end up a stay-at-home dad, even part-time. As a freelance writer I’m home, so it made sense, especially during the fallow periods of my career. But I think part of the reason it’s so tough for me sometimes is that I’m selfish. I want my “me time.” And when I had only one kid I got it. We had a nanny, twenty-plus hours a week. But now that we have two kids and we no longer have a nanny my me time is gone. And I’m learning to accept that. A friend of mine put it best, “Being a parent is a journey to selflessness.” I would amend that to “a never ending journey to selflessness.” And every day I’m reminded of that lesson. Especially on days like today when the baby is fussy from teething and adjusting (or rather not adjusting) to the time change from our trip and Arden refuses to nap and throws a fit while I’m trying to prep dinner and of course in the midst of this all the kitchen sink gets backed up. I’m talking call the plumber backed up. It was not a good day and I think it’s confessions like these that have given Monday’s commenter pause. But again, while I didn’t choose to be a stay-at-home dad, I feel blessed -- and I don’t use that term lightly, in fact I’ve never used that term -- to have the opportunity to spend my days with my girls and watch them grow. But it ain’t always easy and it ain’t always fun and this blog is a place for me to vent and still exercise a little creativity at the same time.

Pictured: My girls up top and Arden dressed as a present, wrapping paper and all, below.