BRAVE NUDE WORLD

So this past weekend was my friend Jess’ “29 Again” birthday and she organized a little dinner, at one of L.A.’s hip and trendy bistros, so she could celebrate with some friends. Amazingly we were able to get a babysitter (for the L.A. “bargain” rate of $15/hr). It turned out the five-and-a-half couples were all parents of young children. The half was because one of the couples had a “new” baby (read: seven months) that they weren’t comfortable leaving with a babysitter quite yet so Daddy filled in while Mommy could let loose. (Wait until they have another kid. They’ll be leaving that one with a 12-year-old neighbor by Day Two.) So of course we had all escaped our kids (except one couple that brought their 3-month-old) and the only thing we could talk about was…our kids. It was ridiculous, everyone was whipping out their iPhones to show each other pictures of their little rug rats. I of course was forced to join in because, well, I have the cutest kids on the planet. And I’ll cut you if you say otherwise.

There must have been something in the air because the conversation quickly turned into a debate on when one should stop being naked in front of their kids and just last week here on Parents Ask there was an article entitled “When Should I Stop Walking Around the House Naked in Front of My Kids?” For Jess it was last week when her almost-two-year-old son caught her getting out of the shower and stared a little too long at her breasts. This pretty much echoed what the expert in the article said, which was essentially that the answer is different for everyone, but generally when you and your child start to get uncomfortable with the whole “in the buff” thing, that’s a pretty good indication that you should start zipping it up. However, for me, when to stop walking around the house naked was a decision I made well before my children were even born.

Perhaps it’s because my father worked for Polaroid and my formative years were extremely well documented on 60-second film stock, but I have very fond and vivid memories of being two-years-old. I remember my second birthday party, I remember my first babysitter Trisha Beckwith and I remember going to work with my father, Fisher Price Farm in hand, while my mother was in the hospital recovering from giving birth to my sister. And because I have so many memories of being two I decided long ago that the day my girls turned two would be the day they stop seeing me naked because the last thing I want them to remember is seeing Big Jim and the Twins bouncing around the house.

For me this was and will be again an easy transition since I’m not the type of person who walks around the house naked anyway, which probably has to do with the fact that I’m not terribly comfortable with my own body. Let’s face it, I’m short, bald and hairy and no matter how hard I try (and really I don’t try) I’ll never have Taylor Lautner’s 8-pack. And my self-esteem wasn’t much improved when the first time both of my children laughed was when they were 3 months old and saw me step out of the shower naked. And both times I said, “Laugh it up now, because in 21 months the joke’s over.”  

The only slightly difficult part of this transition was not one day explaining to Arden that she couldn’t see me naked anymore (that part was easy, I just stopped being naked in front of her), but rather explaining to her that her new little sister could see me naked and she couldn’t. Arden already had a good understanding of privacy at this point. (“Daddy, close the door, I’m pooping!”) so her issue was really about jealousy. She wanted to be wherever her sister was and when I was showering, that happened to be in a bouncer in the bathroom with me. We’re still dealing with the jealousy thing to this day, but fortunately no longer on Battleground Bathroom.

While my decision to cut the girls off on their second birthday was cut and dry, Jen on the other hand is a completely different story. She sleeps in the nude, walks around in the nude and one time she even helped a female guest open up the sofa bed, while in the nude. I have no idea how this will impact the girls when they’re older, or what memories they’ll have of this time, but right now both kids like nothing more than being naked. Perhaps this is because of Jen’s free-spirited ways or perhaps it’s just because they’re kids. Either way, I consider my house a nudist colony much of the time. Myself happily excepted.

Originally posted on Parents Ask on 2/24/10