THE BEACH

As previously mentioned, to keep from going insane with two kids at home for two straight weeks I’ve been forced to reach into my inner depths and invent new and wonderful things for the girls to do. Okay, fine we just did regular stuff, but to my credit we did a bunch of things I hate to do like going to the park...and the beach.

I’ve already told you how much I loathe going to the park; well going to the beach for me is like the park on steroids. I actually don’t mind going to the beach, but once you add kids to the equation it’s like one of the Circles of Hell Dante forgot to write about. You’ve got to pack more gear than a cross-country plane trip, including snacks and lunches and suntan oil and changes of clothes and swim diapers. And besides the potential for sunburn, there’s the overall danger quotient. You blink your eyes for an instant and your kid is gone and your heart sinks, wondering if they’ve been swept out to sea. Of course a moment later you're hit in the head by a beach ball thrown by your kid. But the worst part of the beach is the sand. Wet, dry, it gets into every crevice on your kids' bodies and the only way to get it out is a bath, back at home, so in the meantime your car and the journey through your house to the tub is covered in grains of sand.

Fortunately for the girls, the dad in me won over my beach neurosis when I realized it was the last week of August and I live in Los Angeles and my girls haven’t seen the ocean all summer. But there was no way I would’ve gone unless my friend Sam and her kids were going too. Arden’s old enough to do her own thing at the park while I hang with Alex, but the beach is another story. I needed another set of eyes and luckily we had four sets because Sam had organized the outing with two other mothers from Arden’s preschool.

I only live 12 miles from the ocean, however Sam picked a beach about an hour and fifteen minutes up the coast. Initially I thought this was my excuse not to go, but then I realized the genius in the choice - a two-and-a-half hour round trip was two-and-a-half hours I didn’t have to entertain the kids. And the beach itself was perfect for kids – tide pools, small waves, rocks to climb on - and it being off the beaten path, it wasn’t crowded at all. I had planned to only stay an hour, but ended up staying for three.

I mostly stayed in the shade with Alex while Arden and the other kids and the moms splashed around and climbed on the rocks. But I was perfectly happy being out of the action and under an umbrella on this 100 degree day. And even though I actually had a decent time there was still my fair share of personal hells.

Trudging with all our gear and two kids through the sand was painful. But it was the trudge back that was really painful. I decided to pack up in two trips. I’d leave Arden with the other moms and carry Alex and most of my gear back to the car (I didn't want to burden the other moms with watching two extra kids.) So I took my 25 pound 10 month old to the parking lot and then back to the beach to get Arden who of course didn’t want to leave. I thought I was gonna pass out from the heat and the weight of the baby so I made some quick bribes and we were on our way to the showers near the parking lot. Arden loves outdoor showers so that was pretty easy. Alex didn’t mind them either, but when I told Arden to put on her Crocs one was missing. We looked around and realized she dropped it on the beach somewhere. So I stood Arden at the edge of the beach and had her watch me comb the sand for her shoe with “hefty” still under my arm. Fortunately I got lucky, the shoe was only a hundred yards away, but when I turned around Arden, still wet from the shower, was lying in the sand, waiting for me. So we trekked back to the showers and did the whole cleaning ritual all over again. We eventually made it back to the car, changed into some dry clothes in the middle of the parking lot and then hit the road.

In order to get Arden to leave the beach I promised her we'd hit the Malibu Starbucks which has a playground out front. But I didn't mind the stop. I had been dreaming of an iced cold soy latte ever since I passed the store on the drive up. Besides getting into a little shouting match with a New Yorker over the Boston Celtics (who I haven't followed since 1986), the stop was uneventful and the ride home was a breeze with both girls falling asleep literally seconds after I put the car into gear. When we got home we made the expected trail of sand to the bathroom. Besides our little hiccups leaving the beach, I thought the day was pretty successful...until I plopped Alex into the tub and I realized I had forgot to put suntan lotion on her back. :(