WHEN IS YOUR CHILD READY FOR A SLEEPOVER?
The title of this piece is really a rhetorical question. I have the answer and it’s “not 5 years old.” At least not an unsolicited sleepover. I mean if your friends are really in a bind for a babysitter and ask you to watch their kid overnight, that’s another story, but when your 5 year old asks on their on volition if their friend can sleepover, just say, “No.” But in either scenario the end result probably would’ve ended up the same for us this past weekend: a disaster of epic proportions.
About 20 months ago Arden had her first sleepover and she didn’t even know it. Jen went into labor in the middle of the night so I called up our closest couple-friends-with-kids, Craig and Erin and had Craig come over and sleep at the house while we went off to have another baby. Arden woke up that morning to find Uncle Craig there, waiting to give her breakfast and a ride to preschool. That night Arden slept at Craig and Erin’s house and got to have her first “official” sleepover with her “best friend and worst enemy” Franny. According to Craig and Erin, Arden was a complete angel (who somehow ended up sleeping with Craig and Erin). I find it hard to believe the “angel” part, but Craig and Erin are too nice to say otherwise. So for the past 20 months the girls have been impatiently waiting for a sleepover reunion…at our house.
We’ve managed to come up with 20 months of excuses for it not to happen, “Franny’s got church in the morning…You’re catching a cold and you don’t want to spread it…Franny needs it to be pitch black in order to sleep.” (Yes, we’re simultaneously staving off a sleepover and creating a neurotic child.) Anyway, I finally gave in on Saturday. We were having Craig and Erin and the kids over for pizza and beer that night so I said, “Why doesn’t Franny sleep over?”
As I just mentioned, Franny and Arden are each other’s best friend and worst enemy. They love each other, get excited to see each other, but when they finally meet, they fight like cats and dogs. So essentially they’re like sisters. In fact they’re only a week apart (we actually planned to get pregnant at the same time as Craig and Erin and it worked out). But the two girls have completely different personalities. Arden’s on the bossy side. Okay, she IS the bossy side. And Franny is, let’s just say, sensitive. If Arden wants to play “kitchen” and Franny doesn’t Arden will scrunch her face and bitch to us that Franny isn’t being nice and upon hearing this Franny will flop to the floor with overdramatic fake tears until someone resolves the issue. Now if Franny wants to, say watch iCarly, and Arden doesn’t, Franny will just stand there like a rock while Arden gets all up in her grill, reading her her Playskool Miranda Rights. This may lead to a little shoving which can sometimes lead to flops to the ground and overdramatic teardom.
During Pizza Time, things were no different. We had to settle at least a dozen disputes, often with the threat of cancelling the sleepover, but unbelievably, no matter how pissed each girl was at the other, they both pleaded with us to not call off the sleepover. We theorized that once Craig and Erin left the girls would calm down because there was no one to run and tattle to. But we were wrong. We set the girls up on the pull out couch in my office downstairs. We put on a movie and gave them some popcorn, but they fought over the snacks, the bedcovers, who kicked who under the sheets, who had more stuffed animals, etc. And when they weren’t bickering they were coming up with new excuses not to go to sleep. Arden: “I need my night light.” Franny, “I need a night light too.” Me, “I need a gun.”
We eventually got the girls down around 11:00 PM after 16 trips to the bathroom and Jen pretending to sleep in between them. By that point it was too late to watch the movie we rented so we just took some Advil and went to bed…until 6:00 AM.
I figured with the girls up so late that they would sleep in. Nope. The whole house was up at 6:00 AM. Including my “Sunday is the only day I get to sleep late” wife. When I offered the girls each a box of those individually packed Kellogg’s cereals there was immediate competition, “I want Frosted Flakes.” “I want Frosted Flakes too.” Me: “There’s only one box.” “Okay, I’ll have Fruit Loops.” “I want Fruit Loops too.” So Jen and I said, “Screw it, we’re going out for pancakes.” We thought the change of venue would loosen things up and kill some time before dropping off Franny. But the antics continued at the restaurant when Franny had the audacity to use the red crayon that Arden had just finished using. So Arden throws a fit and says, “Franny took my crayon” and Franny says, “No I didn’t” and Arden says Franny isn’t being nice so Franny drops to the restaurant floor and starts crying. Jen had had it at that point and said, “Arden, stop being mean. Franny stop being so overdramatic” and broke the crayon in two and gave them each half. Both girls looked at their red crayons, then each other and nodded. We had finally reached a peace accord. From that point on everything was hunky dory. The girls colored quietly, ate their pancakes, drank their orange juices. And then it was time to pay. And both girls wanted to bring the check up to the counter. I’d like to say they decided to go up together and pay the bill as a team. But then I’d be lying. Let’s just say there won’t be any sleepovers at our house any time soon.
