Indoor Playground: My Kid Took Off His Socks. So What?!

Last week Managing Editor of  Parents Ask, Jennifer Brandt Herschko, asked me if I wanted to be an "expert" on one of their subscriber questions. The article and my response are posted below...


At some point, we've all felt like the world was watching during certain acts of parenting. During those moments when you feel like you're being silently judged for your parenting (or lack thereof), it can feel hard to hold your own-- to feel good about yourself and your stature (as the person responsible for the child that his chucking french fries across the restaurant). So what can you do about it? Do you say something to the onlookers- the other moms sending silent but deadly assessments your way?

One reader recently asked: How do I deal with a parent glaring and making rude comments about my 4 year old because he took off his socks for a minute at an indoor kid area?

Certainly, there is probably a very appropriate and psycho-analytical response to this question, that we could have had any one of our brilliant and renowned experts weigh in on. But instead, we went right to the source and asked the know it all dad who may (or may not) be the one wondering about your kids bare feet.... Guest Blogger Rick Suvalle of I Peed on My Kid answers:

As a parent who hates the park because of the sand and the dirt and the need for constant slatherings of sun block I’ve been to my fair share of indoor play places and play gyms. I’ve been to the low-rent ones where the Little Tikes Coupes are missing wheels and the ball pits are more pit than snot-covered ball. I’ve been to the boutique ones where they only stock Doug & Melissa wooden craft toys and have “noise rules”. And I’ve been to the fancy ones where you can sip a soy latte as you get your nails done while the kids take a drop-in pointillism class. But one thing that’s always the same is the Sock Rule.

I understand the No Shoe rule because they don’t want people tracking dirt into their establishments, but none of these places have been able to really explain to me the reason for the Sock Rule other than it’s an additional layer of protection from germs. Foot germs? Has there been an Athlete’s Foot outbreak among 4-year-olds as of late? Or ever?  Maybe I don’t want to know the answer. Maybe I should stop putting my 1-year-old’s feet in my mouth. Regardless, a rule is a rule and it’s there for a reason. But hey, what kid hasn’t broken a rule before? And what baby wants to keep socks on their feet? The first thing my 4-year-old does when she walks in the door everyday is strip down to her skivvies. So while a rule is a rule I do understand the desire to air out the old dogs for a minute or two and personally I don’t think what your child did is a big deal. Certainly not big enough for someone to glare at you or make rude remarks over, especially if it was only for a minute or two. So I think you’re right in feeling irritated by this person and there’s several ways I think you can handle this situation if it pops up again:

1)    You could glare back at them and say, “What are you lookin’ at, homes?” “Homes” being the operative word. It makes them think you’re “gangsta” and no one wants to mess with a gangsta.
2)    You could pretend your child has a rare foot disorder and make this person feel bad for picking on someone less fortunate.
3)    In solidarity you could take off your socks too.
4)    You could punch them in the face. Just make sure your bags are packed so you can immediately run away before the cops arrive. It may be wise to have a good lawyer on retainer for this option, just in case.
5)    You could just ignore them and continue doing what you’re doing and seek solace in the fact that you know you’re a good parent and you’re doing what you think is right.

Personally if I had the money for a lawyer I’d probably go with option 4, otherwise I think 5 is probably your best bet.



Originally posted on Parents Ask on 2/19/10.

IT'S A HAIRY SITUATION

Anyone who reads my blog knows that my 4-year old Arden has a nest of curly hair sitting on top of her head (and it seems like her little sister is going down that path as well). Having curly hair is a blessing and a curse. The positives are that it’s cute and doesn’t really require much maintenance – maybe an occasional spritz or two from the old water bottle and you’re good to go. None of that brushing and blow-drying crap.  The negatives are that having curly hair is…“cute” and there’s not much you can do with it. 

People often ask me where the kids get their curls and I have to literally put my hat in my hand and explain that many moons ago I too had curly hair, before it all fell out…when I was 21. Yes, I’m still a tad bitter. But the good thing about being bald is that it doesn’t really require much maintenance and according to my wife “It’s sexy like Ed Harris.” I have a feeling she’s just humoring me.  

Growing up in a family of curly tops in an era where both men and women would perm their hair to look like mine, it wasn’t a big deal. But as I got older the ‘fro fad got traded in for Beverly Hills 90210 pompadours and long sideburns and I was suddenly left in the dust. Since then the Curl Revolution has yet to return (except for my own brief hippy stint in high school.) In short I was never really happy with my hair and I’ve feared that one day Arden would feel the same way. However, I didn’t realize that would happen at age 4. 

Arden is currently in a Disney Princess Obsessed phase and she wants to look as much like a princess as possible. She alternates between walking around the house in her Belle and Sleeping Beauty costumes. But in her never-ending quest to be a princess (she’s asked us to teach her a new French word every night because “French is fancy”) she wants her hair to look like a princess too. Unfortunately there are no Disney princesses that sport curly hair so there’s no specific icon we can trick her into looking up to. So on a whim one Sunday morning Jen offered to straighten Arden’s hair. Big mistake. 

With flat-iron, blow dryer and heaps of style gel in hand Jen set out to turn Arden into the princess of her dreams and after a “fun-filled” hour of Jen barking, “Arden, stop moving or I’ll burn your face off,” the transformation was complete. And much to our surprise it didn’t look half bad, except for the back where the curls weren’t exactly uniform so Arden had kind of a rat-tail thing going on back there, but she couldn’t see it so she was thrilled. And it showed…

Arden suddenly became a different person. Instead of being the ultimate defiant four-year-old she became sweet and polite and actually did what we asked of her, though sometimes with a strange “French” accent. She picked up her toys; she actually ate her dinner and didn’t even complain when she didn’t get dessert due to her previous life’s transgressions. And amazingly she actually smiled for photographs like a runway model instead of her usual dour poses as of late. I liked this Arden though I preferred the cuteness of her curls and Jen preferred to avoid future bouts of hellacious straightening. So we had to make sure this was a one-time treat. Or maybe two-time…

Thanks to the mass amounts of product in Arden’s hair it was still straight the next morning so we let her wear it to school that day. This was our third mistake (the second was telling Arden how beautiful she looked) because once at school the compliments continued to roll in, which meant Arden was going to want her hair straight every day. The other parents who will praise anything that’s different about your kid (“Ohhh, you drew on your face, how cute.”) laid it on thick. The other kids came running up to Arden to check it out. She was suddenly popular and I was suddenly very scared. And it didn’t help when Arden’s teacher came over and said, “You know there’s a product that will make it stay that way.” I quickly snapped, “No there isn’t.” The teacher didn’t pick up on my “shut the hell up” vibe and countered, “Yes there is, it’s called-” I shushed her, “It’s called ‘nothing’.” But the damage was done. 

When Arden came home that day she was glowing and on cue proclaimed, “I want my hair straight every day.” I instantly flashed back to high school where my mother would wake up at the ass crack of dawn so she could burn my sister’s hair into submission, which more often than not resulted in my sister missing the bus and my mother being forced to throw a parka over her nightgown and drive her to school in the snow. Even though I liked the new Arden and her bizarre European accent, I wanted the old Arden back and Jen wanted to avoid my mother’s early morning fate. So I came up with a decent comprise, one Sunday a month we’d whip out the flat-iron. But I’m hoping she forgets until high school. And if that doesn’t work out, at least we don’t get snow here in Southern California.   

Originally posted on Parents Ask on 2/17/10

PICTURE OF THE DAY

Dunno if this will become a regular feature here, but I had to share my excitement...

Napping is a good thing!

THE DENTIST

A few weeks ago Los Angeles was hit by a “massive storm.” It rained for six straight days. The damage was catastrophic – one of my lawn chairs fell over from the wind and I was forced to drive around a fallen palm frond. But seriously, they actually shut down my daughter’s preschool early with the excuse that, “it might rain more this afternoon.” Being from Boston where they won’t close the schools even in a blizzard, this irritated me to no end…until I realized I had actually become one of these California wusses.

Arden had a dentist appointment scheduled smack dab in the middle of Rain Week and I actually contemplated cancelling because I didn’t want to drag two kids through the rain, the whole half-block from the underground parking garage to the dentist’s office.  One might think that my ulterior motive for cancelling might have to do with visiting the dentist itself since kids hate going to the doctor or the dentist and I didn’t want the extra hassle. But the truth is I’m just a wuss. Arden actually LOVES going to the dentist.

The interesting thing about Arden’s dentist is that you would never think when you walk in the door that it’s a kid friendly place. There’s no colorful mural on the wall with clowns flossing or cartoon teeth with smiley faces on them. It’s just a straight-up, albeit modern-looking, dentist’s office in the heart of Beverly Hills. And I actually found it by calling 1-800-DENTIST after my own dentist didn’t have a recommendation for me. And to be honest I was a little surprised the first time we walked in there and I didn’t see a clown mural. I thought the dental hotline had made a mistake, but I quickly realized the mural and the toys are just a gimmick to make kids think they’re in a safe and fun environment. But kids are smarter than that. You start unceremoniously jamming stuff in their mouth they’re not gonna wanna come back, even if Spongebob himself was scheduled to do the cleaning. So why does Arden like going to the dentist so much?

I think there are two reasons. First, we started her out early, before she started to develop any kind of fears (real or of the “I want to avoid going to bed” variety) – when she actually considered a giant metal hook in her mouth fun. Second, I think it’s because the staff at Arden’s dental office know kids are smart and instead of tricking them into thinking they’re in a fun place, they actually made her feel comfortable.

The first time I took Arden to the dentist she was about two-years-old and her dentist, Dr. Do (not to be confused with the 80’s video game Mr. Do!), told me that the goal of the first appointment was just to try and get Arden comfortable enough to get in the chair and maybe if we’re lucky show her some of the instruments. She wanted to make Arden’s first visit a positive experience. Dr. Do subscribes to a very simple philosophy when she’s dealing with kids. “Show. Tell. Do.”  She shows them the instruments. Tells them what they do. And if the child is ready, she uses them or…do-s them. It seems simple enough and I wish my own pediatric dentist had used this approach on me. The only thing I remember from my early visits to the dentist is being terrified of the clown on the wall (but that could have do with seeing Poltergeist when I was 9), but maybe if someone explained things to me, like Dr. Do did with Arden, I’d have a healthier attitude towards the dentist today. Enough about me.

On Arden’s first visit, my fearless little friend not only got in the dental chair herself, but she wanted to ride it up and down and not only did she get to meet the equipment like Mr. Bumpy (the electric toothbrush) and Mr. Thirsty (the water suction gizmo), but she actually let Dr. Do clean her teeth. She was still a little young for the fluoride treatment or what Dr. Do likes to call, “Vitamins for your teeth” to prevent them from getting “Sugar Bugs” (cavities.) Dr. Do was great with Arden and the whole staff praised Arden for how brave she was. Of course Arden couldn’t understand why someone would need to be brave to see the dentist since she was having a blast and got to take home a light-up toothbrush. In fact when we left the office Arden turned to me and said, “When can we go back to the dentist, Daddy?” Any time she wants, even when it rains.


If you’re in the Los Angeles area and you’re looking for a dentist for your kids or yourself, I highly recommend Dr. LanVi Do and her wonderful staff. For more information on Dr. Do and her practice you can visit her website at www.canoncosmeticdental.com


Originally posted on Parents Ask on 2/10/10

WHY MEN CAN'T MULTITASK

I write a blog called “I Peed On My Kid!” where I talk about my misadventures as a stay-at-home dad. The title comes from this time when I was trying to entertain the baby and go to the bathroom at the same time. Let’s just say things didn’t turn out exactly how either of us had planned. But it was then that I realized men couldn’t multitask. 

I recently got back in touch with my high school guidance counselor, thanks to the magic of Facebook, and she had an interesting theory on why men are basically multitasking idiots. She suggested that it goes back to the Stone Age, where the men were in charge of hunting for food and the women were in charge of cleaning it, cooking it and serving it, in addition to doing EVERYTHING else around camp, including raising the children. Men had one task. Women had many. So be it nature or nurture, men today still can’t multitask.

Don’t get me wrong. I think men can multitask when it comes to matters of business (though I’m still guessing not as good as women). I can absolutely multitask when it comes to my writing. I’ve been known to work on two or three projects at the same time. But when it comes to watching my kids, I can’t do anything else. And after talking to several of my stay-at-home and weekend brethren, I’m starting to think there may be some credence to my high school guidance counselor’s theory.

Every dad I’ve ever spoken to is exactly like me. They can’t do anything but play with their kids when it’s their turn to watch them, unless it’s watching TV at the same time. Of course being a stay-at-home dad requires more than just playing Polly Pockets and watching Yo Gabba Gabba on an infinite loop. There’s laundry to be done. Dishes to be washed. Floors to be swept. The list goes on. And on. And on. I actually have an actual list my wife gives me, but it doesn’t help. Without fail, if I’m watching my kids and I try and do anything else, I will mess something up. Here’s a few examples…

Laundry: Seems simple enough, but when I’m watching the girls I will undoubtedly ruin one of my wife’s favorite items. I’ll put her stockings in the dryer or I’ll wash something in hot that should’ve been in cold. And even if I do that part right I’ll hang up her jeans to dry with one of the legs still rolled up which, according to my wife, renders them as useless as me.

Grocery Shopping: Even without the kids I’m hopeless when it comes to the “full-on” shopping experience. But hand me a baby and a shopping list with only three items and I’m still bound to screw at least one thing up – I’ll get the wrong brand of cheese (even though my wife has been buying the same brand for over fifteen years) or I’ll grab flat leaf parsley instead of cilantro. What do you mean parsley doesn’t taste good on a taco?

Bath: This is the closest I get to multitasking when it comes to watching the girls because when you’re trying to wash two kids at the same time you’re also technically watching them. However, once I pull the baby out of the tub and get her into her sleeper it’s a race to see if I can get Arden out of the tub and dried off before the baby wanders back in and gets soaked from trying to climb back into the tub. I either get completely flustered or, hat in hand, I bring the baby in the kitchen for my wife to watch while she finishes the dishes and of course she has no problem doing both.

Cleaning the house: This one I actually put some conscious effort into. I always try and have the house neat for my wife when she walks in the door, save for a few Wonder Pets toys that have “somehow” sneaked out of the toy box. However, the bigger tasks like cleaning the bathrooms and washing the floors, I’m absolutely useless. Again, I try. But “try” isn’t good enough. I’ll skip the tub because the baby has finished her Cheez-Its and is getting unruly in her swing. Or I’ll just plain forget to Swiffer the bathroom floor in my haste. Haste is probably the key here because even though I’m trying, everything looks half-assed so my wife will end up re-doing the bathrooms on the weekend so it can be done “right.” And to add insult-to-trying-injury she often manages to do it with the kids in tow.

It could be argued (at least by me) that even if I didn’t have kids I’d still mess up the cleaning and the laundry and the shopping because in essence men are still fighting their way out of the Stone Age. We still only know how to hunt. Regardless, even though I can’t multitask when I watch my kids, it’s because one hundred percent of my attention is on my kids (okay, maybe 95% on my kids and 5% on my iPod Touch) and I think that’s a pretty damn good excuse for my lack of multitasking ability. How ‘bout you?

Originally posted on Parents Ask on 2/3/2010

TIME OUTS: MORE COMPLICATED THAN GOOD?

So last week on Parents Ask there was a short video called “Time Outs: More Harm Than Good?” where a panel of experts gave their various takes on the whole Time Out issue. Actually until I saw this video I didn’t even know Time Outs were an issue, at least I didn’t think they were an issue for anyone other than myself. My issue being that I couldn’t get the damn things to work with my four-year-old. Coincidentally, it was just last week when I finally discovered exactly why they weren’t working.

My wife and I probably started issuing Time Outs when our daughter, Arden, was about two. If she started to get unruly or had a temper tantrum we would take her into her room, put her in the corner (and by “put” I mean I would pick her up, kicking and screaming) and tell her she had to stay there for five minutes until she calmed down. However, in Arden’s case, she would just start screaming louder and eventually start to throw things around the room. I almost lost an eye to a Spongebob Pez dispenser. I would spend more time trying to get her to calm down during the actual Time Out then if I didn’t give her one at all. So Time Outs became a rarely used, last-ditch attempt to get Arden to calm down, if she was acting up or having a meltdown. But each time it always ended up with me dodging some kind of potentially lethal toy or a Sandra Boynton board book.

We gave up on the “public” Time Outs very early on. When Arden was about two-and-a-half we were out to brunch with some friends and she had a fit because we forgot to pack her a juice box and she refused to drink any kind of alternative liquid that didn’t come in a cardboard container. After several attempts and bribes (of the ice cream for breakfast variety) I was forced to give her a Time Out at the back of the restaurant. Let’s just say we didn’t end up going to the Aquarium of the Pacific as originally planned. Actually, when Arden finally calmed down in the car ride home it became the first time she gave us the silent treatment. Which was actually quite nice after the morning we had. :)

So last week I was driving Arden home from preschool and I asked her about her day, as I always do, and she dropped her head down and grumbled, “I had to sit down after lunch.” I said, “Why?” She replied, “I took a toy away from James, but he took it away from me first. But we both had to sit down.” I asked her about this strange thing called a  “sit down.” She explained that she had to sit in a chair quietly for a few minutes, away from the other kids. I said, “And you did it?” She said, “Of course.” I said incredulously, “Have you had to ‘sit down’ before?” She hung her head in shame again and said, “Yeah.”  I blurted out, “That’s a Time Out. That’s the same exact thing as a Time Out!” Arden looked up and said, “Really?” I said, “Yes, you’re supposed to sit there and be quiet, not scream louder.”  Arden said, “Oh, good to know.” I’m still shaking my head a week later over our little communication breakdown. But next time she acts up I’m definitely trying a “sit down” instead of a Time Out.


Originally posted on Parents Ask on 1/27/10