IT'S A HAIRY SITUATION

Anyone who reads my blog knows that my 4-year old Arden has a nest of curly hair sitting on top of her head (and it seems like her little sister is going down that path as well). Having curly hair is a blessing and a curse. The positives are that it’s cute and doesn’t really require much maintenance – maybe an occasional spritz or two from the old water bottle and you’re good to go. None of that brushing and blow-drying crap.  The negatives are that having curly hair is…“cute” and there’s not much you can do with it. 

People often ask me where the kids get their curls and I have to literally put my hat in my hand and explain that many moons ago I too had curly hair, before it all fell out…when I was 21. Yes, I’m still a tad bitter. But the good thing about being bald is that it doesn’t really require much maintenance and according to my wife “It’s sexy like Ed Harris.” I have a feeling she’s just humoring me.  

Growing up in a family of curly tops in an era where both men and women would perm their hair to look like mine, it wasn’t a big deal. But as I got older the ‘fro fad got traded in for Beverly Hills 90210 pompadours and long sideburns and I was suddenly left in the dust. Since then the Curl Revolution has yet to return (except for my own brief hippy stint in high school.) In short I was never really happy with my hair and I’ve feared that one day Arden would feel the same way. However, I didn’t realize that would happen at age 4. 

Arden is currently in a Disney Princess Obsessed phase and she wants to look as much like a princess as possible. She alternates between walking around the house in her Belle and Sleeping Beauty costumes. But in her never-ending quest to be a princess (she’s asked us to teach her a new French word every night because “French is fancy”) she wants her hair to look like a princess too. Unfortunately there are no Disney princesses that sport curly hair so there’s no specific icon we can trick her into looking up to. So on a whim one Sunday morning Jen offered to straighten Arden’s hair. Big mistake. 

With flat-iron, blow dryer and heaps of style gel in hand Jen set out to turn Arden into the princess of her dreams and after a “fun-filled” hour of Jen barking, “Arden, stop moving or I’ll burn your face off,” the transformation was complete. And much to our surprise it didn’t look half bad, except for the back where the curls weren’t exactly uniform so Arden had kind of a rat-tail thing going on back there, but she couldn’t see it so she was thrilled. And it showed…

Arden suddenly became a different person. Instead of being the ultimate defiant four-year-old she became sweet and polite and actually did what we asked of her, though sometimes with a strange “French” accent. She picked up her toys; she actually ate her dinner and didn’t even complain when she didn’t get dessert due to her previous life’s transgressions. And amazingly she actually smiled for photographs like a runway model instead of her usual dour poses as of late. I liked this Arden though I preferred the cuteness of her curls and Jen preferred to avoid future bouts of hellacious straightening. So we had to make sure this was a one-time treat. Or maybe two-time…

Thanks to the mass amounts of product in Arden’s hair it was still straight the next morning so we let her wear it to school that day. This was our third mistake (the second was telling Arden how beautiful she looked) because once at school the compliments continued to roll in, which meant Arden was going to want her hair straight every day. The other parents who will praise anything that’s different about your kid (“Ohhh, you drew on your face, how cute.”) laid it on thick. The other kids came running up to Arden to check it out. She was suddenly popular and I was suddenly very scared. And it didn’t help when Arden’s teacher came over and said, “You know there’s a product that will make it stay that way.” I quickly snapped, “No there isn’t.” The teacher didn’t pick up on my “shut the hell up” vibe and countered, “Yes there is, it’s called-” I shushed her, “It’s called ‘nothing’.” But the damage was done. 

When Arden came home that day she was glowing and on cue proclaimed, “I want my hair straight every day.” I instantly flashed back to high school where my mother would wake up at the ass crack of dawn so she could burn my sister’s hair into submission, which more often than not resulted in my sister missing the bus and my mother being forced to throw a parka over her nightgown and drive her to school in the snow. Even though I liked the new Arden and her bizarre European accent, I wanted the old Arden back and Jen wanted to avoid my mother’s early morning fate. So I came up with a decent comprise, one Sunday a month we’d whip out the flat-iron. But I’m hoping she forgets until high school. And if that doesn’t work out, at least we don’t get snow here in Southern California.   

Originally posted on Parents Ask on 2/17/10