IT'S NANNY TIME AGAIN

So I was officially nanny-free for over a year, but Tuesday I fell off the wagon. I hired a new part-time nanny so I could get some freakin’ work done. And I gotta tell you, man does it feel good to write during the day again instead of after literally 15 hours of baby talk and repeated viewings of Beauty and the Beast.

I’ve been writing almost non-stop since Alex was born, all at night, but as of late Alex has been getting up at the ass crack of dawn and by the time the girls go to bed at night, I’m pretty useless when it comes to doing anything other than falling asleep on the couch while watching So You Think You Can Dance. So I had to do something about it.

For my current project I’ve got someone coming four or five hours a day, Monday thru Friday. But when that finishes up our new nanny will switch to just two days a week so I can avoid do some much needed work around the house like sand and paint the decks.

But finding a nanny can be a daunting process. You’re essentially inviting a perfect stranger into your home to look after your most prized possession – your kid. So where did we find such a trustworthy individual? In Arden’s case: Craig’s List. That’s right, we found all of Arden’s nannies on Craig’s List, the same place where you can order up a transsexual “casual encounter” any time of the day. We obviously did extensive background checks on the girls we hired.

Now you’re probably wondering how many nannies did Arden need over the course of her first three years of life and the answer is: 4. Well technically it was three. One girl worked for us twice. Both times she moved out of town (and obviously back). As for the other two girls; one was more neurotic than me so I had to let her go and the other ended her adventure with us when Arden started school three days a week and because we ran out of nanny money.

But finding these three diamonds-in-the-rough wasn’t easy. Our ad said we needed someone from “10:00 AM – 2:00 PM, five days a week. Must have own transportation and speak English.” Seemed pretty specific, but we got people applying who didn’t speak a lick of English, didn’t have any transportation and could only work every other Sunday between 2:00 PM and 6:00 PM. We eventually found some potential candidates and had a handful come out to the house for interviews. Now one would think people would try and look half-decent for an interview, but you would be wrong. We had people show up in clothes with holes in them (not the intentional kind), others in half-shirts, and still others with tattoos on their faces. One girl was asked about her family and she broke down crying because her father died in Hurricane Katrina the week before.

This time around the process was ten times easier. I stumbled upon this site called care.com. It’s essentially Nanny Facebook where you have access to thousands of nanny profiles which lists their rates, their availability in the form of a nice little chart, free background checks, references information and even a picture. There’s also the all-important bio section where you get to learn useful facts about your potential caregiver like that they enjoy skydiving. Hopefully not with my child. I was actually overwhelmed with my choices so I posted an ad on their site to see who would come to me and within the first day I had 71 applicants that were interested in my quirky schedule. Obviously there were a bunch of duds. One girl posted a picture of herself holding a one year old with at least seven choking hazards in the background. We didn’t have that girl come in. And of the several we invited to be interviewed only two weren’t able to make it. One was stuck in court (I didn’t ask for what) and the other was too hung over from the night before. When she wanted to reschedule I told her we were taking things in a “new direction.” But we did end up finding quite a few solid matches, one of which stood out from the pack so I hired her within 24 hours of the interview. It’s only been three days, but so far she’s been great. Alex loves her. She hasn’t cried once. She actually got Alex down for a nap without me showing her my secret methods. I’ve got my fingers crossed that things will work out. But if they do go south, you’re bound to hear about it. But for now I gotta go write.